Clerks 2

Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith
Running Time: 1h 37min

The latest Kevin Smith film is always cause for anticipation, because he always seems to have something interesting to say. Whether it's a comment on Catholicism, an anecdote about Tim Burton or Prince, or a comparison of the Star Wars trilogy vs. The Lord of the Rings, he has a funny, insightful take on a number of subjects.

Unfortunately, Clerks 2 has none of the insight, humour, or clever wit that Smith's previous works delighted us with. In fact, even his self-proclaimed "poo-poo jokes" miss the mark in this one. Perhaps it is his return to a dried-up comedic well, stocked with unprofessional actors and tired delivery and dialogue, that makes Clerks 2 seem so parched for pleasure.

The only actors worth watching aren't on screen enough, and when they are, Smith's film school dropout directing skills cramp them to the point where the audience is just aching to leave. Smith's previous work actually made me want to visit New Jersey, but I was hoping the whole town would burn down with the Quick Stop as this film plodded along. Anything to give it some action, drama, or the slightest bit of comedy.

About the only good thing in the film is Rosario Dawson, a spark of life and refreshing sweetness amongst a cast that pales in comparison. Even though Dawson's discovery as an actress is not unlike Smith's gang of goons, it's strikingly obvious that she has honed her craft throughout the past decade, whereas Smith and friends seem stuck in the early 90s. Granted, Smith and Mewes (Jay and Silent Bob) are always fun to watch, but they jumped the shark with their self titled film, and should be put to rest. Jason Lee provides a great cameo, proving that he still possesses the best delivery of Smith's dialogue. I can't wait until those two can hook up again and make us forget this film, Kevin Smith's WORST FILM EVER. Take that to your comic store, Silent Boob!

Post-edit: With this film slated for DVD release in November, i encourage you to skip this sequel, even as a rental, and opt for Smith's other sequel, "An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder". He's just so much better as a speaker and writer, instead of pretending to be a screenwriter and director.

Grade: D

Snakes on a Plane

Directed by: David R. Ellis
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Kenan Thompson
Running Time: 1h 45min

So bad, it's good, seems to be the moniker for this film straight from the start. Terrifically bad, and knowingly so, this film plays the ludicrousness for laughs, winking the entire time. Using the Leslie Neilson approach, good actors playing it straight for comic effect, this film takes its amusing premise and runs with it.

Right from the start, the film puts us in an 80s action setting; island locale, dirt biking intro, guy stumbles upon villain with evil henchmen in tow. The music tells us it's serious, but the lines of dialogue tell us otherwise. Then the "money" shots of snake carnage occur and the audience is howling along for the ride.

Imagine an "Airplane/Airport" type of film paired with "Anaconda" and "Python"! Thrill as Samuel L. Jackson delivers lines like, "I want these motherf***ing snakes off this motherf***ing plane!" with as much conviction as hitman Jules from "Pulp Fiction"! Delight in the technological wonder of the Snake Cam! You will be entertained!

When you really think about it, combining the three common phobias of flying, snakes, and enclosed spaces, should make for a terrifying film. The genius is in how they take this preposterous scenario and play it for laughs, action, and melodrama. Director David R. Ellis, who took similar goofy material to guilty pleasure territory with "Cellular", guides this perfectly, when it could have easily gone off course. Jackson's conviction and commitment to this film (and the rest of the cast for that matter) make it an enjoyable bit of foolery. I only wish they had given the lead villain a real kick-ass martial arts scene to end the film. I can't wait for the sequel, "Snakes on a Boat"!

Grade: B

Pulse

Directed by: Jim Sonzero
Starring: Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder, Christina Milian
Running Time: 1h 30min

Pulse is a strong candidate for worst film of the year. It's completely devoid of any interesting characters, any interesting camera work or visuals, and anything the least bit horrifying.

Set in what i assume to be a futuristic time where everything looks the same as it does now, only there's no sunlight or working indoor lighting, Pulse tries to makes us afraid of our digital machinery, as if it were a new storing place for hell's angels. Instead, it makes us afraid of more Japan horror being remade as cheap one-note American crap.

i don't know where to begin to describe the banality of this film. Another reviewer really nailed it when they said the film would be more tense if we actually cared whether the lead actors lived or died. Even the normally plucky and watchable Milian is relegated to interchangeable terrified and puzzled looks. The soul stealing imagery and black plague like marks that are supposed to be so terrifying get lost in the film's direction, and would be scarier as a series of still photographs.

The lack of sunlight makes the characters seem pale and boring, or maybe they were just that way to begin with. Inexplicable coincidences and convenient meetings attempt to stitch the film together but it's a total lost cause. Who, what, or where it all happened are completely lost by the end of the film, and the sense of bewilderment i felt at the end was perhaps the most horrifying part of the experience.

i have seen the future of reality horror, and it is sitting through a screening of Pulse.

Grade: F

Step Up

Directed by: Anne Fletcher
Starring: Channing Tatum, Jenna Dewan, Rachel Griffiths
Running Time: 1h 38min

There was a time, soon after the second World War, when drive-ins numbered in the thousands and film distribution was evolving and a new "teen" market was creating a need for youth oriented product. This spawned a golden age of what came to be known as "B-movies", starring pretty young men and women, who were pretty talentless, full of fun and thin on plot. Step Up is a B-movie in every sense of the word.

Today the movie business is extremely driven by teen dollars. This is why a film like Step Up is made. Perhaps the only reason. i can't imagine someone wanting to make this film for the message it conveys (community service can lead to new relationships?, white boyz can be ballerinas too?). Instead, this movie is exactly what it was designed for. Take a pretty boy who can dance, but really comes off tough (James Dean type) and a sweet young lady from a proper home, and let their worlds collide, then co-mingle. It's the Grease formula, all over again.

Granted, Channing Tatum makes for a good John Travolta replacement, with some hood street cred, but looks that rival Brad Pitt's introduction in "Thelma and Louise". He actually comes across as an adequate dancer and actor, a nice cross between Eminem in "8 Mile" and Matt Damon in "Good Will Hunting". Unfortunately, his Sandra Dee isn't ready to make the leap to lead status, as Jenna Dewan's acting certainly needs more work than her dancing. The rest of the cast seems better suited for TV, including an oddly cast Rachel Griffiths (Brenda on "Six Feet Under") whose presence makes you wonder what she did to deserve this.

The script is filled with every cliche under the sun, and just when you thought that something unpredictable might happen, it doesn't. Right from the beginning, when a character's younger brother is introduced, i said to myself, "Please don't make him be the lesson learned". Let's just say that every teen romance and ghetto flick plotline is rehashed to the exact detail, without a whiff of originality.

What this allows the audience to do, is to enjoy the dancing scenes and the booming soundtrack. This may be the first film that would work better as a 90 minute music video, and save us from either uninspired dialogue, or misdelivered dialogue. Sadly, even the dancing doesn't compare to previous dance films like "Center Stage", "You Got Served", or "Honey". At this point, you're wondering, why have you even seen these films??? Read the mission statement under this blog's title. It's a tough life, but somebody has to do it.

Grade: D+

V for Vendetta

Directed by: James McTeigue
Starring: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry, John Hurt
Running Time: 2h 12min

There isn't a more thought provoking, timely, or definitive vision of our times than this brilliantly adapted film of the Alan Moore comic book. V for Vendetta explores an England of the near future, that isn't a far stretch from the political climate we currently live in. It exposes the fine line between government policy and government fallacy. It inspires and restores faith in the power of people whose governments no longer serve their interests (a plot point that hits too close to home for this writer's likening, at all levels of government). All the while, the film manages to entertain, intrigue, and enlighten us at the same time.

Great science fiction has always given us moral or political or historical lessons for our time, using the setting of the future as its tool. The film alludes to this when 'V' states: "A writer uses lies to reveal the truth, while a politician conceals the truth by using lies" (sorry, that may be misquoted, but the premise remains). The science fiction genre allows us to detach our present day selves from the problems and issues of our time, to become fully immersed in similar themes, albeit in a bleak, futuristic setting. This detachment brings a clearer, cleaner canvas in which to debate and recognize the same issues troubling our world.

The parallels are obvious, and the current political/media rhetoric surrounding "terrorism" today isn't shied away from. The Wachowski brothers, who brought us "The Matrix" trilogy, infuse Alan Moore's original graphic novel, with current political hot buttons. One character boldly states, "One person's terrorist is another person's freedom fighter". This point sums up the crux that exists and drives both this film and our current news and political climate.

Perhaps what is the most triumphant feature of this film, is how all of this is packaged within a very stylistic, extremely well directed action thriller. Though not "action packed", the film moves along nicely, powered by a beautiful score by Dario Marianelli who is equally adept at propelling you along and keeping you in suspense. Extremely strong performances by the entire cast should not be ignored come Oscar time.

Indeed, Natalie Portman gives her best performance since "Leon: The Professional", ("Closer" notwithstanding) and perhaps felt some of her own liberation from the shackles of George Lucas' horrible writing and directing of Star Wars Episodes one through three. Hugo Weaving gives an astounding performance, even without the use of facial expressions. His inflection and delivery make what could have been a clown into a convincing cinematic character. Finally, the always fabulous yet understated Stephen Rea does more with his own facial expressions than most actors do with an entire page of dialogue.

This film is a must see and certainly requires multiple viewings. Don't wait until the 5th of November to rent this one.

Grade: A

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Directed by: Shane Black
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Monaghan, Corbin Bernsen, Shannyn Sossamon
Running Time: 1h 42min

Have you ever watched a movie and it becomes startlingly obvious that the actors you're watching probably had more fun making this film than you are actually watching it? Well, that's definitely the case with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, a film that tries to revive the buddy cops, noir, and postmodern film movement, as well as the careers of director Shane Black and actors Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer.

Don't get me wrong. This is not a bad film. Far from it. In fact, the way in which Downey and Kilmer throw themselves into their roles with such reckless joy is the reason why this film works. Despite the mish mash of genres, the film ultimately never fails to entertain, much to the obvious talent both actors have for both comedy and drama.

Whoever thought to pair these two actors together deserves an Academy Award for casting. They are truly undervalued as thespians (present author excluded--i've always admired and enjoyed both of them in nearly every film they've done, turkeys included) and together they make a dynamic pair. They have cohesive comic timing together, and know where and when to camp it up and when to play it straight.

This kind of chemistry is normally lacking in male-female casting, and though the true stars are Downey and Kilmer, Michelle Monaghan holds her own. This is probably the role that landed her opposite Tom Cruise in this summer's Mission Impossible III. She brings a degree of sexiness along with the balance of laughter and tension that this film plays with.

i can usually tell i've enjoyed a film when i immediately want to watch it again with the commentary, and this DVD was just as fun to listen to as it was to watch. Kilmer and Downey continually crack jokes like actors who have seen the highest pedestal and watched it fade away, yet could really care less because their film work speaks for itself. These are two stars who have lived the Hollywood dream, both in and out of the limelight, critical darlings and media punching bags and lived to tell the tale. This commonality sparks commaderie and it shows both on and off screen. It's fun to watch these two fine actors enjoying each other's company.

Grade: B+

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Directed by: Adam McKay
Starring: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Michael Clarke Duncan, Sacha Baron Cohen
Running Time: 1h 45min

Will Ferrell continues his winning streak with yet another irreverent take on the bizarre worlds that exist within our culture. First he tackled the 70s local news era in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Then the world of suburban soccer matches in Kicking and Screaming. This time around, he pokes fun within the increasingly popular NASCAR circuit in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

What makes Ferrell's films and characters so popular and fun to watch, is that he is self deprecating, yet entirely lovable as dim witted everymen. He can easily go over the top and extreme for the big laugh (I'm caught in a glass case of emotion!!!), yet his varied line delivery and altering of tone can make even a line like, "Thank you Baby Jesus" seem like the greatest punch line on earth.

Ricky Bobby is just as funny, if not funnier than most of Ferrell's previous work. It helps that he is smart enough to surround himself with other comedic talents, such as Sacha Baron Cohen, more commonly known for his persona, Ali G. In addition to Cohen, Talladega Nights includes two fine dramatic actors, John C. Reilly and Michael Clarke Duncan, playing it straight for laughs unlike any comedian could.

With a supporting cast like this, Ferrell and friends are encouraged to improvise wildly, spurring each other to new heights as they maintain their composure. Witness Reilly's multiple line deliveries at the dinner table during the closing credits' outtakes, and you realize just how talented comedic actors need to be. (And when it comes to talented actors, NO ONE can rival John C. Reilly!). i'm sure there's another film and a half worth of jokes on the cutting room floor, making the forthcoming DVD release a much anticipated event.

In fact, i had the impression while watching that there must have been more filmed, seeing as Cohen's hilarious French NASCAR driver (Jacques Villeneuve???) shares very few scenes with Ferrell. As a fan who loved the film, I would have liked to have seen more, but I appreciate the editing for the sake of story movement and pacing. The predictable story arc makes for a nice, comfortable zone for the jokes to fly, and you'll be laughing throughout the film without any worries about laughing right through a plot point. A real winner.

Grade: A-

Monster House

Directed by: Gil Kenan
Voiced by: Mitchel Musso, Sam Lerner, Spencer Locke, Steve Buscemi, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Lee, Kevin James, Nick Cannon, Catherine O'Hara, Fred Willard, Jon Heder, Kathleen Turner
Running Time: 1h 31min

Dreamworks outdoes Pixar this summer, by offering the best animated feature of the year. Monster House is cool for kids, yet certain to be a hit with grown-ups. It manages to strike a chord with children by inhabiting the world they live in, full of creepy old men living in haunted houses, while at the same time, offering up enough scares and laughs to keep any 30 year old kid at heart thoroughly entertained.

The animation is nothing short of inspired, as the motion capture technology truly breathes life into the CGI animation. Facial expressions, "camera angles" and "tracking shots" are planned with painstaking detail; it's truly a sight to behold. You'll forget you're watching a 'cartoon' right from the fluttering leaf of the opening credits.

Not content to stop there, the filmmakers have added to the superb animation with equally superb writing and a cast to deliver those lines. Familiar voices (see the above credits) fill the adult characters with a lot of humour, even though each adult is given only about 5 minutes of screen time. Each actor does a lot with their 5 minutes, completely deserving of their pay check. The clever casting of Jon Heder makes this the first film to get full dynamite for his cameo, as he fits in perfectly as an arcade legend.

Still, with all this going for it, Monster House would have failed if its child roles didn't measure up. Fortunately, the three leads steal the show, aptly performing voice work that stretches from childhood tomfoolery to ghastly terror to puppy love, all within the same scene. Their honest approach to the scripts' clever and accurate depiction of children almost too old for trick or treating, yet not quite old enough to forget the bogeyman, makes this a film that will certainly become a perennial Halloween favourite. I know I could watch it a thousand times over.

Grade: A

Bob the Butler

Directed by: Gary Sinyor
Starring: Tom Green, Brooke Shields
Running Time: 1h 30min

i can sheepishly admit, i am a fan of Tom Green. Whether it's Organized Rhyme, his own "The Tom Green Show" both pre and post MTV, or his first forays into film, "Freddy Got Fingered", "Road Trip", and 'The Chad' in "Charlie's Angels", I look forward to watching what he will do next.

With this in mind, I can honestly say, "Bob the Butler" is a horrible film, whether you like Green or not, whether you like movies or not, or whether you have a pulse or not.

What i enjoy about Green is his ability to find humour in such simple things as a cheese sandwich. i love watching him interact with others, altering the everyday altercation with either a minute change of pace, or a major social faux pas, both played with deadpan mock seriousness.

What i don't particularly like about Green is when the joke runs too long, or the joke isn't funny to begin with. The nice thing about all the aforementioned resume bits of Green was quick editing in mind, or jokes that, if they weren't funny, they were bizarre enough to shock you or make you think. Bob the Butler is devoid of any of these things.

The film takes the premise that Green's character cannot hold a job, until he finds himself as a butler for an oddly cast, anal retentive, control freak Brooke Shields. What ensues is a bland, run of the mill, stereotypical movie about a babysitter who is not liked by the kids until they eventually warm up and want the babysitter to be their parent, who is missing out on the kids until they realize too late that the fired babysitter was actually better for the kids than their own parenting.

What's so disappointing is not just the rehash family film formula. It's that Green is as far removed from this type of thing than any comedian, that any hope for him messing within the parameters of this formula is never realized. The opening cartoon credits, if filmed as a live action weekly series staring Green, would be so much better than this boring, uneventful snooze fest. Three things Green has never been accused of, until now. Perhaps that's why he did it.

Grade: D-