The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie; A movie made for six year olds, w/barely a single joke or gag that exists outside of being a reference to a specific video game moment. It’s churned out candy coloured chaos that makes zero attempt to appeal to an average viewer who doesn’t know or care for this IP; D-

Bad Moms

Bad Moms; Why do these smart, funny actors have to wallow in male penned over the top stupidity? Devolves exponentially undeservedly; D-

Beautiful Girls

Directed by:  Ted Demme
Starring:  Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman, Rosie O'Donnell, Mira Sorvino, Timothy Hutton
Running Time:  1h 53min

The only thing that this movie gets right is the title.  There are a lot of beautiful girls in this movie.  Too bad there isn't any beautiful writing or scenery or dialogue or characters or acting or anything that can be deemed entertainment.  I fell asleep during this one so I'm not even sure if it got any better.  Sorry.  See another review blog for this one.

Grade: D-

Yogi Bear

Yogi Bear; Incredibly fake looking, unfunny & devoid of humour, originality or charm. Even worse w/o obvious 3D gimmickry. Craptacular; D-

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Directed by: Raja Gosnell
Starring: Drew Barrymore, Piper Perabo, Andy Garcia, George Lopez, Cheech Marin, Paul Rodriguez, Plácido Domingo, Edward James Olmos, Loretta Devine, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luis Guzmán
Running Time: 1h 31min

Grade: D-

The Death of Mr. Lazaresco

Directed by: Cristi Puiu
Starring: Ion Fiscuteanu, Luminita Gheorghiu, Gabriel Spahiu
Running time: 2h 30min (but feels twice as long)

About as funny as a catheter. This film reminds me why i started this website; for two types of films...mainstream movies that suck yet rake in box office (see several of my worst of films) and the polar opposite, festival films that suck but no one wants to admit it or else they'll come across as unintelligent or unknowledgeable about film. Extremely painful to watch. Full review to come.

Nacho Libre

Directed By: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Ana de la Reguera, Héctor Jiménez
Running Time: 1h 32min

There are several types of comedies. There are the ones with good jokes, or good performances, or good premises. There are ones that are funny parodies or situationally funny. There are even the ones that are so stupid, they're funny. Sadly, Nacho Libre is none of these, and fails miserably as a comedy in any form.

Hess' follow-up to the unbelivably successful and quietly yet riotly hilarious Napolean Dynamite is perhaps a legendary bomb of a sophmore jinx. Never has such promise and buzz been squandered so quickly. Jack Black, single handed saviour and upstager of many a film sets his career three steps back as the lead character, a monk cook at an orphanage who moonlights as el matador, Mexican wrestler.

Relying on the odd and ridiculous, Hess tries to recapture the magic that made Napolean Dynamite quirky, yet lovable. However, Black's zaniness works best when the world around him is normal; but in this film his insanity is lost in the sea of ludicrous that populates the film. And none of it is funny. There's just a series of scenes where people get punched or hit or kicked or crushed and it's supposed to be funny. WWE is funnier than this, because they play it straight. This film goes for the laughs and ends up empty.

Perhaps the only funny thing is Jack Black's accent, but even that gets tired and annoying quickly. Avoid this film at all costs. In fact, watch Mexican wrestling instead. It has more drama, romance, and comedy than a thousand Nacho Libres combined.

Grade: D-

Bob the Butler

Directed by: Gary Sinyor
Starring: Tom Green, Brooke Shields
Running Time: 1h 30min

i can sheepishly admit, i am a fan of Tom Green. Whether it's Organized Rhyme, his own "The Tom Green Show" both pre and post MTV, or his first forays into film, "Freddy Got Fingered", "Road Trip", and 'The Chad' in "Charlie's Angels", I look forward to watching what he will do next.

With this in mind, I can honestly say, "Bob the Butler" is a horrible film, whether you like Green or not, whether you like movies or not, or whether you have a pulse or not.

What i enjoy about Green is his ability to find humour in such simple things as a cheese sandwich. i love watching him interact with others, altering the everyday altercation with either a minute change of pace, or a major social faux pas, both played with deadpan mock seriousness.

What i don't particularly like about Green is when the joke runs too long, or the joke isn't funny to begin with. The nice thing about all the aforementioned resume bits of Green was quick editing in mind, or jokes that, if they weren't funny, they were bizarre enough to shock you or make you think. Bob the Butler is devoid of any of these things.

The film takes the premise that Green's character cannot hold a job, until he finds himself as a butler for an oddly cast, anal retentive, control freak Brooke Shields. What ensues is a bland, run of the mill, stereotypical movie about a babysitter who is not liked by the kids until they eventually warm up and want the babysitter to be their parent, who is missing out on the kids until they realize too late that the fired babysitter was actually better for the kids than their own parenting.

What's so disappointing is not just the rehash family film formula. It's that Green is as far removed from this type of thing than any comedian, that any hope for him messing within the parameters of this formula is never realized. The opening cartoon credits, if filmed as a live action weekly series staring Green, would be so much better than this boring, uneventful snooze fest. Three things Green has never been accused of, until now. Perhaps that's why he did it.

Grade: D-